Have you seen Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?"
Watching the movie recently caused me to think about boundaries,
and how children desperately need them.
To recap the movie, Willy Wonka is a famous candy maker who
opens his doors to the five lucky children who have found his
Golden Tickets inside chocolate bars. When Charlie and the other
children go inside the secluded factory, they see many amazing
things. However, one by one, the children's bad behavior and
personality flaws (caused by a lack of boundaries) gets them
into trouble.
A boundary is nothing more than a limit. Boundaries force
children to develop self-control, abide by rules, and conduct
themselves in an orderly way. We tell our children not to touch
the hot stovetop or electrical outlets. These are safety rules.
We should also confront our children when they're being rude,
disrespectful, selfish, or angry--before things get out of hand.
When there are no boundaries, children do whatever they want,
whenever they please. It is a downward spiral, as "Charlie in
the Chocolate Factory" shows.
In the movie, the children with winning tickets (except Charlie)
were raised by permissive parents who didn't have the heart to
set boundaries. Veruca gets whatever she wants by yelling. Mike
is addicted to TV, and his parents don't have the guts to turn
it off. Augustus is addicted to food, and has a double chin to
prove it. Rounding up the bunch is Violet, who is cut-throat
competitive about everything from karate-kicking to gum
smacking,. Yes it's fictional, but "Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory" a telling tale about the consequences of not setting
boundaries for children
As a parent, it isn't easy being the disciplinarian. It's no fun
constantly reprimanding our children. Yet this is exactly what
is needed for our children to develop emotional hygiene. As a
parent, you are in a position of authority. Take authority over
your child's temper tantrums, refusal to cooperate, eating too
much junk food, and other misbehavior. Clearly explain what is
appropriate and what isn't. Set boundaries and enforce them.
Ultimately, boundaries make children feel safe. From a child's
perspective, life is unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming.
When we set limits, children understand what is expected of them
socially, emotionally and physically. When children are
conditioned to behave properly, this behavior eventually becomes
automatic and natural. In the long run, your discipline will pay
off. Your children will learn what is expected of them and act
accordingly. The best time to start setting boundaries is when
children are at least two, three or four years old. Your
boundaries should include simple instructions about safety (such
as "look both ways before you cross the street") and guidelines
for proper behavior. As toddlers, children can be taught to
control their temper, not to throw things, to share their toys,
take turns, and so forth.
All children yearn to feel safe. They want to know what's
expected of them. When we set boundaries, we enable our children
to be happy, emotionally stable and well adjusted. Like Charlie
in the movie, our children will have the best possible start in
life when we set boundaries and enforce them.
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