When I left my high-tech corporate job to be an at-home mom, I
had no idea of the changes I was going to encounter. No, I am
not talking of the usual baby stuff like not freaking out when
food or something worse gets rubbed on my nice clothes…if and
when I get a chance to where nice clothes. Nor am I talking
about the fact that I could no longer have extravagant and
expensive knicks-knacks on my coffee table. What I am talking
about is something else…and someone else. I am talking about
having to relate to those other, more seasoned, at-home mommies.
Sure, everything seemed okay. Friendly glances at the park
followed by a short spurt of conversation, but getting into
those little cliques are just as tricky, if not more difficult,
than the ones I encountered, and came to master within the
corporate environment. Though I was efficient in my conversation
and quick with my wit; though I laughed at the right jokes and
wore appropriate attire; and, even when I stood in the widest
opening of the park letting everyone see that I was available
for chat, the mommies shied away from me. My best bet is that
they probably gathered in a far counter to chuckle over my
desperation. Heck, I may have even laughed at me too had I not
been distracted by the small hovering cloud of post-partum
depression.
You can liken this to the city gal in the country. There are
many movies with a similar story line about the loud and
obtrusive ‘outsider’ that everyone sees as the square peg. While
she may want to fit in, she knows from the get-go that it is
going to be a long journey, due to all that tension she feels
from her new peers. That is where I began to find my thoughts.
(And let me tell you, if you think your co-workers in their
Armani suits are pretentious, try a mommy-clique in t-shirts and
capris. I kid you not, they can be downright condescending.)
While acceptance is hard, it is a form of closure, and after a
year or so, I decided that I was just not going to fit in with
the bobby-socked, sneakered mommies littered throughout my day.
But, then…and here’s the light at the end of the
tunnel…something happened. To this day I cannot tell you how we
came across each other, but I was invited to a play date by one
of the sneakered-mommies. There, I met another mommy. The
playdate started slowly and was light in discussion. But, it was
consistent…and stayed consistent on a weekly basis. I began to
look forward to my sessions. At the time, I did not know much
about them, but every week that knowledge grew. To make a long
story short, the friendships ‘stuck’. These days I do not always
see them as much as I used to, but it is more of a hectic
schedule issue than a lack of want. As well, more mommies came
and I am proud of my little mommy network that I have slowly
gained. And no, I didn’t have to become a bobby-socked,
sneakered mommy to mesh, though dropping those Armani suits
probably helped my cause a bit.
A few times since, I have seen a new mom on the playground fresh
from corporate, possibly on a trial period of this new career. I
observe what those other mommies must have seen in me. There is
a look of uncertainty on the face of an entry-level at-home mom.
Perhaps it’s a mix of “Am I doing the right thing (I loved my
work, not to mention the money and acknowledgement), “I
absolutely did the right thing” (the proof is toddling before
me) and “How the heck did I get here” (it’s a totally different
world). This uncertainty is projected in facial expression as
well as through actual conversation. I reflect and believe that
my uncertainty mixed with a mild case of PPD must have made me
real stimulating conversation. No wonder they ran the opposite
direction. As well, trying to bring a corporate mentality into
the position of at-home mom was another stumbling block. I
looked at building the new relationships as a strategy to
accomplish and, subsequently, master. When really what it takes
to build relationships with other at-home mommies is genuine
honesty and a grounded sense of self. Only after that takes
place and solidifies can a dash of cattiness be added. But, the
details on that topic are a completely different article.
The next time you encounter a corporate mommy grasping for the
sense of her new entry-level position, have patience and
compassion. Yes, she could quite possibly start off awkward and
maybe even insulting, but most likely, she wants to succeed in
this new career. Mentor her in a non-invasive way and she is
sure to become a great friend.
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