The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, and you just found out
that your spouse forgot to do the one thing that you needed them
to do today…again! This scenario may sound typical for your
family, or your scenario could be worse. Maybe you and your
spouse are arguing more and more, and connecting less and less?
You may have even asked yourself, “Is this marriage a mistake?”.
Though you knew your life wouldn’t be like the Brady Bunch, you
may find yourself surprised at just how much work a marriage can
be – and its twice as hard if only one person is working at it.
If this is your situation, ask yourself why you married your
spouse? I know it sounds silly, but really…why did you marry
them? “Because we were in love”- well, that’s the easy answer-go
deeper. See, life happens…kids are born, cars breakdown, jobs
are lost, and through all of the ups and downs that are
inevitable, its important that you remember why you married this
person.
Reflect:
1-Think of the first time you saw your spouse. What is one thing
that stood out to you about them? 2-Remember one time when you
were sad, angry or disappointed and your spouse really came
through for you. What happened? How did it make you feel? 3-What
is one thing funny thing you know about your spouse that no one
else knows? 4-Think back to your single life, before you met
your spouse. What was it like? Now, really think – what is one
small thing your spouse does to make you happy that you are here
and not back there? 5-Remember a time when your spouse did
something out of the ordinary and surprised you. What did that
moment feel like? 6-Remember the first time you saw your spouse
holding your child. How did that make you feel? Remind:
1-In a quiet time when both you and your spouse are sitting
together, bring up your first date. Bring up your happiest
memories of this day. 2-Think of a funny story about when you
first were married – good choices are dinners gone bad, ruined
laundry, etc. 3-Talk about when you first became parents. What
were your fears and hopes. Mention something positive about
their parenting, and their connecting to your children. Renew
1-If you eat dinner infront of the TV, stop. Gather together at
the table with the TV’s off, so you can actually connect to your
family rather than ‘veg out’. 2-Be nice. Okay, sometimes that’s
easier said than done, but a little sweetness can go a long way.
When you get up or go to another room, ask, “Can I get you
anything?” 3-Be forgetful. Don’t remember every little thing
your spouse has done that irritates you. Sometimes we hold on to
the past because it feels familiar. Its not fair to hold the
past against your spouse, and its not fair for them to do it to
you. If they do, lead by example. Once they see you letting go
of the past, they will also. As long as they know you are
holding on to the past for future fight ammunition, they will do
the same. 4-Touch. Place your hand on your spouse’s hand; lay
your arm across their shoulders. An innocent touch can be just
the softness and connection that your spouse is looking for.
5-Overlook. There is nothing gained by pointing out all of your
spouse’s short comings, and when they have made a mistake don’t
use it as an opportunity to put them down. Surprise them by ‘not
noticing’ their mistake. No one likes to have their mistakes
pointed out to them. We are all adults, and its likely that they
are already aware of what they’ve done.
The point is, take some time to remember why you are in this
marriage, take some self control and control your end of the
marriage, and take the gloves off. Your spouse is not your
enemy, and remember though children are the products of
marriage, they are not the glue that holds a marriage
together…love is.
Living in love with your spouse can sometimes be challenging,
and that’s okay- that’s why the vows read for better, or for
worse. With a little bit of effort on your part, and a partner
that really loves you it is absolutely possible to live in love,
and that is not only a great gift to yourself and your spouse.
Living in love is a wonderful gift to your children.
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