HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Ask yourself some questions WORD COUNT 477
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her
parents. What started out as monthly grocery shopping for them,
over the course of 2 years became a full time duty, an
overwhelming burden and just about broke her emotionally and
financially.
They say that it’s good that primary caregivers don’t know what
to expect or they would not enter into the situation. That is
only true if they aren’t honest with themselves and with others,
don’t research the many options and review the abundant material
now available to families. Not everyone can take on the
responsibility for any number of reasons. So potential
caregivers of aging parents should ask themselves the following
questions as the need for care and assistance begins to grow:
-What level of care am I able or willing to provide? -At what
point will I need to involve a professional, like a care manager
or lawyer? -How has my family resolved issues in the past
involving difficult and complex concerns? -Are my loved ones
very private people and how can I best be respectful? -What is
my relationship with other care providers and how are our roles
similar or different? -Do I have the feeling my loved ones are
making the right decisions about their future? Do other
caregivers agree with me?
Gather the important people who participate in caring for the
aging adult, then agree upon the specific roles that each person
will play. Be honest about what you're able to give -- for
example, will you give more time or money? Get the emotional
support you received from your parents in the past in other
ways. Talk with friends who are in similar situations. Join a
caregiver support group. If you're sharing the caregiving tasks
with siblings, keep the lines of communication open. Send each
other progress reports. Finally, find ways to have more fun with
an aging or disabled adult for whom you feel responsible or
love. Try to spend YOUR time doing things that will be most
appreciated. Hire out house maintenance tasks, like lawn care
and snow removal. Use a companion service for light
housekeeping, meal preparation, grocery shopping and errands.
Spend your time doing things WITH rather than FOR the older
adult. Professional organizations can help with the mundane
tasks so you can spend more quality time looking through photo
albums, writing letters to out of town family, taking the
grandkids to the park, or sharing a cup of tea. Begin your
journey of caregiving by defining preferences, plans and roles
prior to being confronted and swept up by crises.
Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters Coach and is author
of several publications which help families, such as In My
Shoes: An Aging Family, an experiential game. See them and free
articles and resources at www.SOSpueblo.com
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