More Internet dating and matchmaking sites are coming online all
the time. It’s no wonder they’re so popular. We’re all looking
and it pays to extend your reach.
Midlife dating is definitely a “numbers game” and here’s why.
The only way to do this is to get in there and start doing it.
If you have been married a long time, you’ll find men at this
age (whatever age you’re at now) are different. Dating on the
Internet can help you get back into circulation. Some even often
online “speed” dating, where you can make contact with several
men on the same evening.
If you’re serious about finding a new guy, no doubt you’re
getting out in your own community, have joined singles,
activities and religious groups, are taking dancing lesson,
pursuing your usual hobbies and interests, and letting others
know you’re ready to date again. The Internet is “what else” you
can do.
The Internet offers two opportunities you may not have thought
of. First of all, there are plenty of pornography and sex sites
on the Internet and the guys know where they are. Therefore,
many of the men on dating sites are truly interested in dating,
long-term commitment, friendship, and marriage.
Secondly, certain aspects of Internet dating favor the
non-aggressive man with honest intent. Using an Internet dating
site takes time. If he’s desperate and needy (emotionally or
sexually), he won’t take the time to fill out an Internet form
and start emailing, but will head for the local dive where he
knows he can find what he’s after immediately.
It also gives the less-assertive man a slow way to get to know a
woman. He may be an introvert, or simply new to dating and
unsure of himself, and can get himself better grounded on the
Internet. You may catch him just at the right time.
How to begin? Take a look at some of the different sites and get
a feel for them. Particularly pay attention to how the profiles
are set up. Here are some things you’ll want to make sure of:
1.The profile tells you the kind of things about someone you
need to know 2.Your anonymity is protected 3.A photo is
available 4.There is way to block or permanently end contact
with someone 5.They attempt to screen undesirables. No guarantee
but at least, for instance, they say they forbid married people,
felons, pornography, hate, etc.
Bear in mind there are no guarantees on the Internet you won’t
meet a louse, pervert, felon, liar, or promiscuous married man.
There are no guarantees about this in real life, either. There
are some obvious clues to watch for: refusing to share a photo,
using foul language, asking for money, being domineering, moving
too fast, preoccupation with sex, inappropriate site names such
as “SexTrain,” signs of desperation, or being inconsistent or
evasive about details.
The best rule of thumb is if it makes you feel uneasy, use the
“delete” key. You begin with email correspondence, so take your
time. You’ll get quicker about catching on to bad signs as you
practice.
Always remember to protect yourself. Don’t give your personal
email address or home phone number until you’re reasonably sure.
Never agree to meet someone in a remote or peculiar location. If
in doubt, don’t. If it’s good, it will stand the test of time.
The best way to begin is to make a list about your expectations
– not just their age and appearance, but their conduct. Then
work with a coach to brush up on your skills and provide
valuable feedback. When you set up your profile, be honest about
your personal habits, lifestyle, and what you’re looking for in
a man. When you learn something that works, stick with it. For
instance if you read someone’s profile that’s worded better than
yours, go back in and tweak yours.
Men’s first attraction is visual (physical), so get a good
recent photograph of yourself. Some people are more photogenic
than others, but it’s unfair to use a photograph that’s 5 years
old, or that represents you before gaining or losing 30 pounds.
Be proud of who you are, represent it as best you can, and hope
the man does the same.
For more tips, including how to identify a married man early-on,
see my ebook, “Midlife Dating Survival for Women.”
Good luck!
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