What do you do when you don’t know the language or customs?
That’s when your EQ, or Emotional Intelligence, comes in handy.
On my recent tour to Russia, the people in large cities (Moscow,
Saint Petersburg) knew English, but not in the small villages
(Yaroslavl, Uglich).
I thought I’d pick up Russian quickly, but I didn’t for several
reasons: 1.Jet Lag turns your thinking brain (neocortex) to mush
2.You can’t “picture” the words because the Russian alphabet is
Cyrillic; i.e., Catherine the Great’s initial is “E” because in
Russian, it’s Ecaterina. 3.Russian’s not a “Romance language”.
The sounds and cadence aren’t familiar. They have sounds that
don’t exist in English. 4.Russian people are courteous and
quietly charming, but they’re conscientious workers who stay
focused. They’d also rather improve their English than teach you
Russian. 5.They’re reserved in public so you don’t hear a lot of
words. When I said, “Good morning” in Russian, I’d get back,
“Good morning.” Silence.
RELY ON YOUR NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION.
One thing I did was exaggerate my expression (pleading) and
gestures (2 fingers for $2), and put some warmth in my eyes.
Fear is contagious; so is trust. Their expressions, when
revealed, were quite recognizable, i.e., a shrug, breaking
eye-contact when they’ve made their last offer.
SCARY BABUSHKA
In museums such as the Hermitage or the Armory, older women sit
in a chair in each room. It’s their job to make sure no one
touches anything.
When the Ugly American (Paul) in our tour group touched a
curtain in Peterhof, the Russian grandmother (babushka) sprang
to her feet with a thud, clapped her hands twice, loudly, then
advanced toward Paul shaking her finger and barking Russian. We
didn’t need to understand the words.
INTERPRETATION PLEASE
But what did this mean in this country? Was Paul going to
Siberia? How could we find out?
One of the things our mother does is interpret for us. A
well-known experiment involves researchers placing a baby on a
Plexiglas shield resting across a high table. When the baby
crawls to the edge of the visual drop, he’s. It feels solid but
looks like a precipice. So he looks over to his Mom to find out
what he’s supposed to do, which mean finding out how he’s
supposed to feel. If she looks happy, he proceeds. If she looks
scared, he stops.
So we turned to Leo, our Russian guide, to see how serious this
was. Leo was laughing and relaxed. A young man with much EQ, he
quickly put his arm around the Russian women, turning her away
and soothing her. How? Babushkas all over the world are soft on
young men.
CATCHING ON QUICK IS ANOTHER EQ COMPETENCY
– We were warned about the gypsies – such faces, such gestures.
Ann, who thought they were “sweet” and didn’t listen, got
pickpocketed. – When you accept the flowers the youths give you
in the villages, it isn’t a gift. They will haunt you with looks
until you fork over some money. – You’ll quickly see the
shopkeepers expect to bargain. They name a price and then pause,
expectantly. – How susceptible are you to “beautiful lady”?
Vendors everywhere know those words in English. – Who can resist
a child? Here’s Katya hustling my sister -
http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/islands4.html at Svir Stroy. –
It’s officially illegal for Russians to accept American dollars.
Quickly you’ll learn they all do. Just as long as you don’t ask.
(It isn’t illegal to give dollars.) – Customs officials
worldwide have a crummy job. A smile goes a long way with them.
WHAT’S THE CUSTOM?
You never know. A street vendor in Saint Petersburg caught my
eye and the following took place, without any words. I “asked”
if I could take his photo. He was flattered and agreed. I took
his photo, then offered him $2. He shook his head no, no. I laid
the bills on his tray of matroyshkas. He pocketed the $2,
smiling, then handed me a doll and hugged me.
TELLTALE SIGNS OF REAL LIFE
What’s it like? Check out the condition of the vulnerable -- the
children, the dogs, and the seniors.
The children were all healthy, tall, muscular and well-dressed.
(http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/Moscow%20Park%20girl%20playing
%203.jpg ). I never saw a parent disciplining a child, or any
need for it. Evidently their whole life they hold their mother’s
hand when walking-like up to age 60.
Check out the playground at Moscow’s North Terminal Park
(http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/Moscow%20Park%20playground%20f
or%20kids.jpg ) and see how much they care about their kids.
The Babushkas were cheerful and healthy looking
(http://www.webstrategies.cc/nancy_and_babushka.jpg ).
You’ve never seen such shiny-coated, healthy, well-fed dogs and
cats.
TROMP L’OEIL
That means, in French, fooling the eye—another reality check.
There were two incidents of tromp l’oeil I’ll mention.
First, look at this Moscow apartment building:
http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/Moascow%20apartment%20building.
jpg . Looks like a slum tenement, doesn’t it? “No,” laughed our
guide, Toma. “We don’t take care of the outside of buildings
here. There are luxury apartments in there 2200 sq. ft.”
Second, here is Catherine’s Palace
(http://www.hum.utah.edu/languages/images/photos/rusphoto32.jpg
). When you arrive in Moscow, you think the buildings are huge.
They are huge, but there’s something else going on, because
you’ve seen huge buildings before. What they do is build with
standard-sized bricks, then plaster over them, them paint them
with marks as if they were made of bricks 4x the standard size.
Perception warp!
PRIMAL FEAR
Here’s an incident that called for some quick EQ. We were
walking in Moscow’s Harbor Park where there were lots of
families. I became enchanted with a little girl of about 2, with
curls all over her head, and before I knew it, she ran to me,
jumped into my arms and gave me a hug and a kiss. Meanwhile, out
of the corner of my eyes I could see two agitated parents
closing in on me from either side.
This is reptilian brain -- fear of strangers, protecting your
children, territory. Look out!
What would you do? Read more about this and other anecdotes in
my eBook, “Using Your Emotional Intelligence When Traveling
Abroad.” ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html )
EQ is truly a universal language!
|
