Edgy commentary With Emphasis on Why Respect Is Earned, Not
Demanded!
*Loraine Osgood glanced at the friends seated across the table
and sighed inwardly, as another man gave her the brush off for
the umpteenth time. Looking around the room she wondered why the
men were deliberately ignoring her. “Stupid jerks,” she
whispered. “Those idiots won’t give me the time of day. What’s
up with that?” she said, fingering the buttons of her dress.
Five drinks later Loraine made a beehive to the restroom, where
she bumped into a man she had spotted earlier. “Aw, don’t you
men know the meaning of respect?” she asked, slurring her words.
Caught off guard by the question, the man muttered “Do you?”
After a long pause Loraine walked away without answering.
When Aretha Franklin clamored for R-E-S-P-E-C-T in 1967, men
suddenly became aware of how they treated women. And 38 years
and a thousand arguments later, women are still calling on men
to respect them. Only now the rules have changed, and the only
way women can get members of the opposite sex to hold them in
high esteem, is by process of elimination. That simply means
respect is earned, not automatically given as many women
believe.
For example, ever notice that some women get the Hey Baby
treatment while others receive the Ms. or Miss salutation
regardless of age or race? In coming to grips with this issue,
I’m convinced that when it comes to the “fairer sex,” men are
more apt to admire women who are confident and carry themselves
in a way that screams I RESPECT MYSELF.
As a woman I can easily tell if another woman respects herself,
based on the way she talks, acts and dresses. If she feels she
is worthy of distinction, no words are necessary, since her
image speaks for itself. If on the other hand she is loud,
disruptive and sloppy in appearance, a man’s opinion of her will
take a dramatic nose dive.
Two contrasting examples of respect ideology are talk-show mogul
Oprah Wimfrey and media poacher Paris Hilton. In one corner you
have Oprah, oozing class and intellectual prowess, while
reminding everyone why she is one of the world’s most
influential women. In the adjacent corner is Paris; shallow,
eager to display her body at every opportunity and hell bent on
keeping her name in the press, at any and all cost. Now,
realistically, who is more respected? Oprah who carries herself
like a billionaire empress? Or Paris who associates braziness
with style and class?
In writing this editorial, I am reminded of something a dear
friend, Steve Lockett, once said. A man of impeccable taste
whose ability to sense trouble is without peer, “Tale-tell
Steve" is a purist in every sense of the word. Not one to sugar
coat words, when Steve talks, everybody listens. So it came as
no surprise when he said that there are two types of women, the
ones a man is proud to be seen with and respects. And the other
is the woman who doesn’t feel worthy of respect, so men tend to
discard her like day old bread. Not surprisingly, some readers
may view Steve’s comments as those of a male chauvinist from a
bygone era, but there is a tinge of truth in his verbal tirade.
Clearly, it’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t think much of
themselves. Granted, this applies to either sex, but since we’re
talking about women we will limit our conversation to that
gender. Okay back to the article. To reiterate, if a woman feels
that she is a hapless zero, why should anyone respect her, when
she doesn’t respect herself? To paraphrase Steve, it just goes
to show you that some women have it and some don’t.
Lastly, as women let’s remind ourselves that if you feel you are
not getting the respect you deserve, take a long hard look at
yourself and ask yourself the following questions: Are you
acting, talking, dressing and behaving in a way that commands
respect? Or does your entire demeanor cry out “DON’T CARE”
“DON’T WANNA CARE” and "AIN’T NEVER GONNA CARE?” The choice is
yours.
* Not her real name
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