The biggest obstacle to creating successful and satisfying open
relationships is jealousy. Jealousy is scary. People feel
jealous when they experience the unpleasant suspicion that their
man or woman is being unfaithful. People suspect the presence of
a rival and fear losing out. Our stomach moves in waves and we
can’t breathe. Our head feels like it will burst open. Our heart
pounds in our throat and we can't talk.
Jealousy in Relationships
Jealousy is a real issue and if left untreated, can create a
permanent wedge between partners, while negatively affecting
future relationships. Luckily, it can be controlled. Most of us
experience jealousy if our spouse or lover has a sexual
relationship with someone else. For those who are lucky enough
to be in a mutually trusting relationship, jealousy lies dormant
in it’s cave most of the time.
It is not fun, and even in its lightest form will cause feelings
of anger and frustration in relationship. Repeatedly behaving in
an out of control fashion will destroy the trust and comfort of
partner and quickly erode relationship. It also takes away from
your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to
numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative
qualities.
Causes or Why do we feel it?
Fear, insecurity and low self-esteem are the main causes for
Jealousy. It is about fear -- fear of the unknown and of change,
fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of
scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a
reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety
about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our
desirability. When someone feels that they do not really deserve
their partner that they start looking for signs of desertion.
Their relationship is their whole life and they cannot see
themselves functioning without it, so their jealous behaviour is
actually fuelled by fear of abandonment.
It is really a very destructive emotion. There really is no
benefit to feeling this. It isolates the sufferer, who tends to
become more and more vigilant, on guard and suspicious of
imaginary transgressions. Jealousy turns these thoughts into
pure self-destructive torture. It is just the finger pointing at
the fears and needs we are afraid to face.
Can jealousy be overcome?
One of the most common questions of people with a jealousy
problem is: Can jealousy be overcome? The answer is yes, but
with great effort. Like most other difficult emotional
experiences, jealousy, if treated correctly, can be a trigger
for growth. It can become the first step in increased
self-awareness and greater understanding both of your mate and
of the relationship.
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